gets me every time

This cat and I have become friends, little by little, as he grows accustomed to my being around and I keep my dog from invading his space too much. Ash belongs to Rico, a housemate and friend. I fight for Ash's affection just as many people fight for George's. That is how it works.

There are a lot of things that I want to do once midterms are over--yoga on the roof, trips to the coast and the state parks, time observing the beautiful Willamette River and taking pictures of things I don't want to forget. Texas calls out to me fairly often, because I do not know people here like I know my San Marcos family, but the time will come where I can share intimate moments with people I hold dear in this place. Some have happened already, like with cutie pie London and wonderful human being Kayla. Human George and I took a wonderful walk with dog George last week, and I hope that we hang out more and bake delicious cakes together. I have been playing guitar, and getting better at playing guitar, and I have actually started writing again though it is a slow and painful process. Every step is a step forward, even the ones that don't feel like it. 

I have a beautiful life here, and I will miss it when it is gone. I am learning to embrace my freedom, which Daniel and I always spoke of but only seldom enacted. I am free here, and I will be free when I go back to San Marcos, and I will live fully and happily and I will graduate and come back up here for as long as I am able. I will have to bring Sully with me, though. I miss him intensely. 

Here are Sully and Lo looking pretty together, circa 2010.  He would love it here, I'm sure, and [almost] everyone would love him. He and I are going to find a place to live together, us and George, with a little tribe of ourselves. It would be nice to end up back on Holland St. with a house-tribe of my own, making the place better and enjoying our time there together. We'd have a garden and hammocks and trashcan fires together, collect rainwater and build forts and love each other...but I daydream too much. Living here has made it difficult to imagine living by myself when I return, which was my original plan. I want to have themed parties and open mics and get along like people get along here, using consensus and volunteerism to replace hierarchy. I feel like I have learned so much more from living here than the University of Oregon could ever hope to offer me, and I wish I could spend less time on schoolwork and more time participating in what we have here. After midterms, I promise that to myself.

It is 7pm, almost time for dinner and our weekly house meeting. I have not done much around the house this week, but I will make up for it once midterms have ended. I am working on making a craft room/library on the first floor, filled with awesome crafty things and reading materials, and hopefully computers and a printer. It is my goal while I am here to see it through to its finish.

there's no use looking for houses now

there's no use looking for houses in San Marcos now, but bands are practicing for Open Mic downstairs and, try as I might (or might not), I cannot concentrate on International Conflict and Humanitarianism at all. Upwards of 60 pages between now and tomorrow morning, ideally. We'll see what happens.

I am full of love but promise little to the world right now, other than that I will continue to try and free myself from fear, and I will not restrain myself from that which is true, and~

two bottles of red wine- a somewhat poetic account of my weekend

the day begins with a neglect of responsibility, sunny days spent away from class
then a lovely walk to meet a river, to stand still as it runs
we talked about travel and cakes, the Not Being From Here
the evening came, and with it two bottles of red wine
taking pictures to prove we exist, and we know each other
my shadow disappeared into giggling and childish mischief ,
the next morning found with things that were not mine
but surprisingly few consequences of ill-remembered adventures
awake again, we go to the gardens, the few of us who were able
among dirt and compost and garter snakes picked up for young girl scouts
squealing at the uncommon sight, plentiful here
made it there and back again,
with some bomb-ass Mexican food in between
life, I promise, is good
we get along just fine

this is where we are.

you've grown up, left your baby face and first tattoos in the past. now you're drinking certified organic beer and talking nostalgically about the past, as if it wasn't always this moment that you were waiting for, when you would finally be free. welp, here you are. what are you doing with it? are you waiting or are you leaping? (now's your chance)

I have been in eugene, oregon for a little more than three weeks now. two months gone from Texas as of today actually. my two month anniversary. I've been playing music and drinking and smoking and singing--living here is exactly it. It can be frustrating, but we all have this cause that we believe in and it fuels us. we are the anarchy of willing participation, cooking and eating and cleaning together. I have found a family here, and I feel very lucky for that.

I will post photos later on. For now, listen to this song and smile quietly, as I did when I was listening to it.

laying in the bed of a pickup, staring at earth